The Day After Tomorrow

is Sunday. How stupid is that? No, really, I'm just about to go off on the The Day After Tomorrow film, which I haven't seen. Based on what I've seen for previews, it's probably a decent, albeit not too intelligent, action movie with lots of things being destroyed (your typical summer blockbuster). Hey, I like all kinds of movies for all different reasons, and, in my view, it's not completely fair to compare a movie like this with, say, Schindler's List or Citizen Kane.

Anyway, around the time it came out, I heard on the news they would be talking about this "controversial" new film. When I heard this, I shook my head, because I knew that it was "controversial" because the Bush administration had a problem with it. They believe global warming is a myth, because, well, they have that 1 scientist out of 100 who believes this (and, oh, yeah, their ideology and business interests necessitate debunking global warming, else they'd have to admit they're just planet killers).

I mean, it's a fucking action/adventure/what-if-this-horrible-scenario-happened? movie, for crying out loud. Fiction. Entertainment. It shouldn't be used as a pro or con for scientific theories. It's good for burning 2 hours of your time and eating a tub of popcorn and drinking an oil tanker's worth of soda. Shut your mouths and take an ideological break. And this goes for the activists on the other side handing out leaflets about global warming while people were standing in line.

Nader the conservative tool

No surprise Nader is being used like the tool he is. You would think that, if Nader's supporters were so progressive, they'd see through this shit and tell Nader to fuck off because all he's doing is helping Bush. But, despite their supposed commitment to progressivism and fighting against the system, they're just sheep helping the conservative who's destroying the world.

More on the Dick

I'm hoping that John Edwards is Kerry's VP pick (please don't let it be Dick Gephardt, please, please, please), for many reasons, including debates with Dick Cheney.

Edwards, a lawyer, will most likely be assailed by this asshole with some "trial lawyers are destroying America," Rush Limbaugh-inspired tirade. I would just love to see Edwards ram this down his throat by saying, you don't have a problem with trial lawyers when they're trying to bail your sorry ass out (once again, see the "The untouchable Dick" post below). It won't happen (the ramming it down his throat--Edwards has a great chance at VP though), but it's fun to think about it.

Even though they spout off at the mouth about it, conservatives aren't against trial lawyers. They're only against trial lawyers when you or me are trying to get some sort of restitution from a corporation who has given us an elephant-sized screw. When they're trying to defend themselves against criminal charges or from revealing their secretive plans, they're all for them.

The filthy Dick

Personally, I think using the word "fuck" is just not a big fucking deal, but conservatives clowns like Cheney make such a big deal about how wrong it is, that I think they need to be severely called on it when they do it.

I think it's great that a Democrat got under this Dick's skin so much that he started to use obscenities. Ha ha!

I guess when someone like Cheney uses the word, it'll be chalked up to "a frank exchange of views," as his spokesman put it. But, if someone like Howard Stern or Bono--or even an elected Democrat official--uses it, well, of course, they need to be severely beaten, fined, investigated, and thrown behind bars, immediately if at all possible.

This must be put up alongside Bush when he said "Fuck Saddam. We're taking him out." Damn, what a potty-mouthed administration we got here. I think that Kerry and his VP pick, when they get into the debates this fall, should ask at the outset whether or not they'll be subject to an obscenity-filled tirade.

The big question was, was this carried live on C-Span, and should the FCC be looking in to levying one of their bullshit humongous fines? (Nothing will happen--see "The untouchable Dick" post below for more info)

Ted Olson resigns

They sure slipped this one in under the radar. I guess this lying piece of shit needs to slither away and go work on fabricating horseshit about a certain Senator from Massachusetts.

(I first read about it over on Eschaton)

The untouchable Dick

Once again, Dick Cheney is untouchable. It's not about sex, only about who was at the table when Cheney was carving up America for the energy industry, so who gives a fuck, I suppose.

If Kerry is elected in November, we'll definitely see an end to "special considerations" for the Presidency. The public will have the right to know about everything then, just like they did when it was about Clinton's sex life.

And one last thing--the Supreme Court decision sounds like Cheney won out on a technicality, and any further action would be tied up in appeals. Aren't these conservative assholes always complaining about justice being tied up in technicalities and appeals? Aren't they always bitching about trial lawyers and criminals making appeal after appeal after appeal? There is, of course, stunning silence, on all sides (nary a peep from a liberal), when the conservatives make use of an aspect of the legal system that they despise.

And I'm not done yet--can't somebody impeach this ass Scalia? He gave these clowns the Presidency and he can't recuse himself from a case involving his ol' hunting buddy. He's as biased as the leader of the Aryan Nation. Why the fuck is he a Supreme Court justice?

Test, for the second time

All right, this is the second time I'm trying to send a test post to the blog by email. I had the wrong address the first time. Did I save the sent message? No. Was there anyway at all for me retrieve it? No. So, my cute and clever, painstakingly crafted and typed discourse about technology has been lost forever. What the fuck else is new?

I went on about how I'm in a relative technological Stone Age, about how people might think I'm not too bad off if I have a blog, and my saying fuck off to those who say that. Also, I made some ridiculous prophecy that some super virus would soon render our technology useless and everybody would be scrambling to find Commodore 64's just so they can type out their bullshit thoughts. I also said I wasn't smart enough to not have tossed my old C-64 back in 1989, so who the fuck was I?

[A minute after the fact: Hey, it worked. Holy shit! I had to go back and reformat, but what the hell?]

It's all the media's fault

If they would just focus on the good stuff in Iraq, instead of coordinated mass bombings that kill and wound hundreds, then the American people would see how much success we're having there.

Yeah, right. I don't like the media much myself mainly because they've failed the American public and the world and allowed the Bush administration to proceed without question. But the conservative response to blame the messenger for what's happening is ludicrous and gets us into a debate about the media when we should be debating the incompetency of this administration and what a failure this war has been. (This is sort of what's going on with Michael Moore--we're caught up in a debate about him instead of the actual issues he presents in Fahrenheit 9/11).

And, it seems to me that, when attacks like these happen, it's hard to notice anything good happening. I mean, how can you say anything good is happening if insurgents can blow people up at will? If every few weeks, 50-100 people get killed on one day, it's hard to say things are any better than all out chaos.

What a fucking mess this is. And, of course, it didn't have to be this way.

Tiny portions

Below is something I wrote when McDonald's made their bullshit decision to stop offering the Super-Size option on their value meals. While the masses applaud their decision, I'm against it. I mean, if you can't pig out at McDonald's, where can you pig out?

Tiny Portions

Are we going backwards now? I mean, it looks like the space shuttle program is disappearing, Mars is a pipe dream, and we might, just might, if we all hold hands and think warm fuzzy thoughts, get back to the moon some ten or fifteen years from now. Target is getting rid of the SmartChip technology from their Visa cards, so it's back to paper coupons and bye bye to those cool in-store kiosks (okay, I never actually used the coupons, but how cool was it to load them to your card?). And now, McDonald's is eliminating super-size portions from their menu. Now, finally, I have to stand up and boisterously ask, what's this world coming to?

Mothers everywhere must be ecstatic, if only for the sake of their Xbox-playing children and couch potato husbands. Doctors and nutritionists must be jumping up and down for joy, screaming, finally, someone is taking our advice to go easy on the portions. But me, I'm just shaking my head. I drink alcohol in moderation, don't smoke, eat whole grain breads, drink diet sodas, bake and grill my meats instead of frying. I've put up with the fact that, somehow, Subway is associated with weight loss, Burger King is selling veggie burgers, and eating vast quantites of meats, eggs, and cheese is considered the cornerstone of a popular diet. But the demise of extra large fries and sodas at McDonald's? Unconscionable!

Way back when, when McDonald's introduced the super size, I saw it as a big boon for consumers. Finally, in an age of incredibly shrinking candy bars, rising bank fees for the privilege of withdrawing our own money, and paying for complimentary water at restaurants, someone was actually giving us more for our money, be it fries, soda, and inches on our midsections. The meager days of still being hungry after an ordinary value meal were, at long last, over. Thanks to the genorosity of the golden arches, we could stuff ourselves for five bucks or less. Soon after, other fast food establishments followed suit, and we were shouting such ridiculous things as King Size, Biggie Size, and even Round Up--at the fading Roy Rogers restaurant chains--my meal, for heaven's sakes!

Look, I think we can cut through everything here and see what made this such an attractive option. Super size didn't mean a larger burger and most restaurants have self-serve soda machines which meant free refills. As James Carville might say, it's the fries, stupid! More of those delightful crispy, overly salty, sticks of deep-fried potato. If it was socially acceptable to just eat a heaping tray of fries and no burger, I'd do it. Don't you just see those golden arches and think of two humongous fries doing yoga? Sure, fries are the antithesis of yoga, with each one consumed probably taking an hour off our lifespans. Just how many calories and grams of fat were we consuming? Who cares! If I cared, if I wanted to eat lean healthy meals, I wouldn't be coming to McDonald's. I mean, they can keep selling their little salad shaky things, but, when I go there, I'm sticking with the full contact indulgence of a Quarter Pounder with cheese and fries.

I guess I should see McDonald's decision as another breakthrough for the consumer. People, now more than ever, want smaller portions and healthier foods, and a place like McDonald's, one of the world's largest corporations, is responding. Since the early 90s, the American public has become increasingly more health conscious, and only recently has the fast food industry--from salads to leaner sandwiches to low-carb, Atkins friendly wraps--responded in kind. Just think, a few years back, Wendy's now-deceased founder and spokesman Dave Thomas--often seen in tv spots holding a burger covered with bacon, cheese and mayonnaise that was larger than his head--had heart bypass surgery (I'll leave it to you to make the fast-food burger-heart disease connection) and Wendy's reintroduced the Triple with cheese burger to their menu! That took moxie, and not along after surgery, Dave was back on the Big Bacon Classic horse while the rest of us were hopping on the low-fat grilled chicken and green veggie donkey. Now, Dave's gone, and the donkeys have run amok.

So, what is this world coming to? Well, maybe the super size demise is tangible evidence that physicists are right and the universe is contracting. Everything will diminish until existence is one hungry salt-sized speck. Before then, can eight tracks, rotary phones and dot-matrix printers be far behind? Perhaps supersizing will soon go in the other direction--we'll be downgrading our meals, microsizing (or princess sizing, smallee sizing, or rounding down) to get fries in a matchbox and soda in a thimble.

Maybe someday, we'll expand back to big thoughts like Mars, electronic coupons, and super size meals at McDonald's. Until then, I'll dream of those big golden arch french fries as I slowly shrivel away.

***

This world, as I so often say, sucks.

Random thoughts

All right, this is the kind of cute and clever bullshit I was railing against in my opening statement a few posts ago. So sue me. Here are some random thoughts:

--I don't get Ralph Nader. I don't get people who, in this upcoming election, will vote for him. He doesn't have a chance. A vote for him could be cast for John Kerry, who has a chance of removing Bush. A vote for Nader is like a vote for Bush because it isn't a vote for Kerry. I mean, are people paying attention? Don't they see what Bush has done to this country, and understand what he just might do if he doesn't have to worry about getting elected again? I'm sympathetic to the Green party platform. But it has no chance--none--of ever being given an ounce of consideration under a Republican administration, whereas it might have a slight chance under a Democratic one. Voting for Nader only makes sense if you want Bush to win or that you think you can, somehow, help your party's future prospects by voting for a fool like Bush who has damaged this country and will continue to do so if re-elected.

--Any bets on how long the interim PM of Iraq will last? A month? A week? A day? I'm surprised Karzai in Afghanistan has lasted as long as he has, but that's probably because he's insignificant.

--The Saudis are offering amnesty to Al Qaeda members. That's funny. Al Qaeda is probably making the same offer to Saudi military and government officials. I wonder who will get more responses? The Saudis are full of shit. They're full of Bush and Bush is full of them. They and Pakistan have done countless more to foster terrorism than Iraq ever did but they are considered "allies" because they can talk out of both sides of their faces (and, oh, yeah, all that Saudi oil).

--I see that 3 Doors Down, Nickelback, and Puddle of Mudd are touring together. My question is, if you show up late, how do you know who the hell's playing? They all sound the same. I can imagine the crowds--lots of short, gelled, slighty spiked (but not big punk spikes--even the hairstyles are watered down) hair and goatees. Ah, the scene oozes rebellion!

--They've found a naturally decaffeinated coffee plant. Why does this bum me out so? Because, despite your impression of me from reading this blog, I'd be fast asleep if it weren't for caffeine. Caffeine, like everything else that's bad for you, is on its way out. This world sucks.

Cheney hates America

In this USA Today piece, Dick Cheney does the typical attack-the-opposition-candidate job that we would expect, but the end raises an interesting question: if Cheney knows more than the damn 9-11 Commission about supposed Iraq-Al Qaeda links, why won't he just give them the information, for God's sake? I mean, this asshole keeps spewing out this bullshit line of there being an Iraq-Al Qaeda connection, and no one has believed him, other members of the administration have contradicted his claims, and now the 9-11 Commission says there was no connection.

Like Rumsfeld, he's one of these damn "untouchables" who are either in the forefront of things like now or are crafting their own evil plans when there's a Democrat in office. No matter what he says or does, nothing will ever happen to him. Of course, as I say this, the whole other half that doesn't hate Bush/Cheney, if they were reading this, would say how honorable and patriotic a man Dick Cheney is (and how the left hates America, wants to appease Saddam, bin Laden, etc.). No, he's a war-profiteering asshole who, like his fellow GOP assholes, wraps himself in the flag when it's convenient for him. Hey, Dick, how many times did you get out of the draft back in the 60s so you wouldn't have to fight in that awful war (remember, he had "other priorities")?

I think he should just get on with it and give the commission what he needs, if he has it (he doesn't--nothing that's legit anyway). What's the worst that would happen? He'd be seen as a liar, that the whole Iraq war was a phony pretense for a power/money/oil grab? Fuck, the entire world already knows that. A lot of us knew it from the start. The actual facts are coming out now (thanks a bunch, "liberal" media) and proving what many of us already knew (we were called loons, remember)--the war was a sham and these clowns lie over and over and over again.

Lollapalooza cancelled

I touched on this in my idiotic first post down there. Lollapalooza has been cancelled because of poor ticket sales.

Sad, yes, but what the fuck did they expect? Hey, I'd pay good money to see PJ Harvey, Pixies, Sonic Youth, and even Morrissey, but who the hell else would? These are all good acts, and so are the others I'm sure, but in this stupid ass culture, who cares? There's no Britney, no Christina Aguilera, no Justin Timberlake, no American Idol finalist or winner, so they won't go.

Now here's where I get into post- or post-post-modernist cute and clever BS (bitching about others bitching). People on the sidelines--people like me--will say, how stupid were they for not booking a super big-name act? How did they expect to sell tickets if they didn't have a major drawer? Perhaps that's true, but these same assholes who say this--people like me again--would say, if they booked a big draw, that Lollapalooza has soldout, that Perry Farrell is just a whore in it for the money, and so on. I read message boards all the time and this is the cynical reactions people have about anything. They laugh and ridicule a band that alters its sound in the slightest or is on a small label and doesn't sell many albums. If a band sells a lot of albums, they call them sellouts. If a band doesn't change its sound, they say they're stagnant, behind the times, anachronistic. It's the fickle masses--never satisfied and always cynical, as if they have some high critical standard that no one can seem to live up to. The know-nothings who travel with hammers, ready to bash the shit out of anything crossing their paths.

[Sidebar--my only Lollapalooza experience was in 1992. Red Hot Chili Peppers, Pearl Jam, Soundgarden, Ministry were why I went and they all rocked. Ice Cube, Jesus & Mary Chain, Lush weren't bad either. I had diarrhea. There were seas of people. It was hot and humid and the food was overpriced. But I loved it. It felt like a generational moment to me. It was a few months before Clinton was elected, grunge was in, and you could feel change and possibility in the air. And the damn thing sold out. People were selling tickets on the side of the road, in the grass lawn parking lot, at the entry gates that were stacked with bottles of soda and juice and beer and other shit you weren't allowed to take in.]

For example, Metallica's last album, St. Anger. It's not their best album, for sure, but you would think based on the mass reaction that it was the most horrific load of crap ever recorded. Metallica, after changing their sound and going after Napster, are an easy target. But no matter what they put out, the masses were ready to pounce and rip them a new one. I say half the songs are good, the rest are so-so, which makes it sound like an okay album. Did anybody even give it a chance? Or is everybody pissed off still about having their line to free music assailed?

Anyway, I've ranted too far. It's just a damn shame that an original show like Lollapalooza can't sell enough tickets just so it doesn't get cancelled. This society sucks.

First post

Hey, look, I got the first post! Of course I got the first post--it's my friggin' blog! And isn't it annoying when people's posts on a message board are "first post"? It's even more annoying when they think they're first, and they end being second because they were too slow in hitting the post button.

Anyway, I created this blog so I could philosophize, rant, bitch, moan, state, make a point about this stupid ass world we live in. We have an idiot President who is making himself into a damn king who starts wars because he wants to and who half the country thinks is truly God's gift to the world. We have television waves filled with trash like reality shows, unfunny sitcoms, rehashed crime dramas, and pundit shows that just out and out tell lies. Manufactured, watered down crap like Britney Spears, Jessica Simpson, Nickelback, Linkin Park, and the country artist du jour dominate the airwaves and sales charts, while Lollapalooza, featuring original acts, gets canceled, and half the music I like I can't even find in a damn music store anymore. I don't even read the books on the bestseller list, or the books--mostly the same--that my book club or Amazon or Barnes & Noble "recommends," because they're all shit. I know that without even reading them. Whatever happened to solid writing, well-developed characters, convincing plots, the slightest bit of invention?

I sound like a miserable crank. That I'm just old, bitter, disillusioned, and jealous. That's mostly true, on some of those. Some will say, people have been saying shit like that for a hundred years, are you just realizing the world's this way? Only thing I have for you is an extended middle finger, because you bastards who are cynical about my cynicism are part of the problem.

I offer this blog up to no one other than myself. What difference will I make? None! No one will read this, and I don't have the energy or resources to plug this shit column so people will. So, will I just be cute and clever, as today's cultural cynics are, for the sake of being cute and clever, in some sort of postmodernist or post-postmodernist sort of way? Good Lord, I hope not, though I've done enough of that shit in my lifetime that it's a distinct possibility. If I'm being that way right now, I sincerely apologize.

This is Agoraphobia. Look it up; yeah, it probably meant what you thought it would. I am Agoraphobos, hear me whine and complain! That's not my real name--shoot me for being cute and clever. Anyway, I sit here, insulated from the world, and look out on all you motherfuckers and watch you all destroy yourselves and be sated by stupid entertainment and believe untruths. What a stupid ass world it is...